haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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