How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
