How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
