I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
