I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
