I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
