one two three fourrrrnication!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
