Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just google imaged poop.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
