Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
