i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
