Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
