thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
