Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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