thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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