Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
