Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hippo gnu deer
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
