Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
