Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
