Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
