I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
