i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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