i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I need a beard to bite.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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