the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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