fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
