The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
