Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
