he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
