You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize