Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
