names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
