Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
