I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
