It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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