By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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