I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
