I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
