it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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