I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
