Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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