So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
