I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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