my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
