You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
