it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
