I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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