He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
