I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
