I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
