well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
