we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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