I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
