the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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