sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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