I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
