I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
