what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
