I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
