No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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