Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
