Ambien. No doubt about it.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize