Pregnant stripper...not hot.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize