I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
