one two three fourrrrnication!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
