and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
