mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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