i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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