The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
there is glitter all over my balls
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
