my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
