Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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