Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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