You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
