Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
