Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
