I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
