That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
