Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
