his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
