It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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