Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize