Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
