I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
