If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
