I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
