Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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