I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
