Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this boner is exhausting
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
