Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
