I hate all girls vehemently.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
