Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
