I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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