I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
foreskin is a definite game changer
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
