You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
