Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
