My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
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I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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