I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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