i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
