I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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