working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
