At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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