So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize