You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
