If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I want to have your abortion
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
