i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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